I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i think i just lost a toe
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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