Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
