Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
