He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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