mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Two words: nipple clamps
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