So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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