never play flip cup with pint glasses
Say something about gay babies.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
