Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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