And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
