The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
