I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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