matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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