I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
