I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
