My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
