Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
