tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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