Got a toothbrush?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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