I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
