I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
