I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
