Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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