my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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