In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
