How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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