After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
