when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
