We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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