i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
