i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
did i just pee glitter
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
