so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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