Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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