so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
