Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
