Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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