shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
