I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
