what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
