Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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