if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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