i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
