Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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