i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
