Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize