hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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