Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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