What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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