am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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