I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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