ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
